Boundaries: The Facebook Edition

facebook

Welcome back JMO gang. Today and for the next few weeks, we’ll be diving into a special blog series entitled “Boundaries”.

In it, I will share tips and tricks for how you can enforce healthy and strict boundaries in multiple areas of your life.

Why? Well because boundaries are important for managing others’ expectations of you and for setting manageable objectives for yourself. Today let’s talk a bit about my favorite social media platform – Facebook!

Facebook is an amazing way to connect on ALL levels – personally, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, virtually, surface, deep… I mean it is just the best thing, I think, since macaroni and cheese.

I also am a fan of Mark Zuckerberg’s vision and will to follow Facebook through to the social media tycoon it now is. I mean think about it y’all, it all started in a college dorm room! All I ever created in my dorm room were a bunch of wild memories. But I’m straying…

Though it’s an undeniable asset and game changer, Facebook can also be a hindrance to progress and worse, well being. Improper use can definitely disrupt your peace. I am sure if you use it you can attest to the pollution effect I am talking about.

But there’s good news. You’re in control. You can determine what you see, read and take away from Facebook because they’ve done us the favor of including a ton of settings in their technology that allow you to set whichever boundaries you require.

(Please note: these suggestions are related to Personal Facebook Profiles only. I am providing suggestions and the reasons for them, not technical instructions. The instructions for implementing the technical tips in this post can be found on Facebook.com by doing a quick search in the search bar at the top of the page. Also… I’m sure some of the tips raised here can apply to other social media platforms, but I am giving advice for the platform on which I am most adept. I hope you’ll understand.)

This tutorial is a mouthful y’all, so feel free to digest it in pieces.

Unfollow

Maybe you accepted a friend request or liked a page on Facebook thinking it would be cool, but every time you open your timeline, there’s something from that person or page irking your nerves, disrupting your thought process, clouding your sunshine, bringing down your vibe, making a spectacle of themselves… I mean I could go on and on. Now you have regrets that you even accepted. But Facebook knew you would have this problem before you even had it, so guess what! You have the option to unfollow him/her/them for good! If you don’t want them to know that you dislike their content, you can remain friends and keep the page like, but simply unfollow their posts and never see them again. Cool trick right!?

Snooze for 30 days

To ‘snooze for 30 days’ is to unfollow someone, but only for 30 days. It is useful if maybe the content isn’t the problem, but perhaps the frequency; or if you have a temporary issue with that person or place and just need a little break. I still am not sure how I feel about this feature. Don’t get me wrong – right now it comes in super handy for when I want a break from spammers; but it can feel like a band aid as opposed to solving the problem.

Privacy Settings

Some of you seem to have just opened your Facebook account and proceeded to use it. You’re accessible to everyone. I am suggesting though, that you consider changing your privacy settings to only allow appropriate persons to reach you, tag you or post content on your timeline. Some exclusivity is a good thing. There are several different privacy settings you can adjust, but these are the main ones I suggest you look at:

Who can see your future posts

Future posts are whatever content you place in the “What’s on your mind?” box and share. The word “future” just lets you know that the setting goes into effect after you activate it. Do you want the whole world seeing what you post? Just your friends? Are there some people that harass you about your own opinion and try to control what you post online? You can keep them from ever seeing your posts again.

Who can see what’s on your timeline
(previously called your wall)

You can let other people see all that you post and that others post on your timeline, or you can limit that content to yourself. Restricting who can see it allows your friends to share content that might be intimate, risky or private and it stay between you two.

Timeline Review

This is an additional feature that you can activate that sends posts by others on your timeline OR posts that you are tagged in, to a special place called a “timeline review” before they appear on your timeline. You will be notified when this happens, after which you can agree to have them appear or hidden. But the point is that you get to design your timeline and choose how you want to be represented. Other people don’t get to choose for you.

Who can see your friend’s list

Honestly, this is just another tactic to keep people out of your business. You can decide to allow friends or the public to only see who you have in common (mutual friends). Sometimes people go searching through your friends list to make a link between you and someone else. Disable lurkers by keeping your full friends list (or most of it anyway) to yourself.

Ignore PMs from undesirables.

Private messages (PMs) from people you are not friends with automatically go into “message requests” as opposed to your messenger inbox. This basically means they have to “request” to message you. Unless you reply, that person does not have access to you and won’t be able to call you on messenger. You can also block them from trying again. I see friends on my timeline complaining about being harassed by undesirables all the time, and I’m not sure why because Facebook literally does the hard work for you. You don’t need to filter messages, all you have to do is ignore them. If you don’t know the person messaging you, are not interested in knowing, or do not wish to talk to whoever it is, save yourself the trouble and simply ignore the messages. The minute you reply, you open Pandora’s box.

Block PMs from persons thought to be desirable but who turn out not to be.

When you accept a friend request from someone and they can then message or call you on messenger. That doesn’t mean that they can’t lose this privilege. If an issue arises, politely state your boundaries and if they are unable to respect them, the simple solution is to block them. Perhaps they are being rude or disrespectful toward you, in which case you would need to also unfriend them; or they are spamming you (sending you annoying chain mail), in which case you don’t need to unfriend them, but you can certainly avoid being spammed.

Share what’s consistent with YOUR character or brand.

There is a lot to be influenced by on Facebook, such as celebrity news, lifestyle flossing, personal development content, and the works. You might not recognize it but the more time you spend on Facebook the more you’re influenced; unless of course you are SUPER intentional about what you allow to influence your thoughts. Don’t be pressured into presenting yourself to be someone you’re not. Don’t try to keep up with anyone. Don’t develop insecurities about who you are because of the life and times of someone else. Stay true to who you are and post that way.

Interact with like-minded people.

Join groups where you can gain opportunities and learn. There are business related groups, enthusiast groups, mindset groups, professional groups, geographical groups, cultural groups, and the list goes on. Also like pages that produce the type of content you need to see, that will uplift you (and when you comment try to keep it light and friendly). Don’t pick fights or participate in fights with trolls. Stick to your tribe and block out information that’s irrelevant to you. Use Facebook as a tool for growth, not conflict.

Unless your name is mentioned in the post, don’t take other people’s posts personally.

If you read or view a post that’s not your speed, keep scrolling. Don’t be a troll. Protect your vibe. When people post “what’s on their mind” remember that it can be about anyone or anything. You really don’t know their perspective first hand so even if what they’re posting about is a subject you can personally relate to, separate your personal experience from your Facebook viewing experience. Trust me! This trick is an energy saver – and who couldn’t use more energy?

Be upfront.

Let your friends know what types of posts to share with you and tag you in and which they should never share or tag you in. Control your viewing. It’s that simple. My friends follow this request with considerable ease, because they know I mean it. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you need – respectfully and firmly.

Detox and Deactivate.

Last but certainly not least, GET OFF FACEBOOK sometimes. (lol) As with anything in life, moderation is KEY. Even if you’re a paid social media manager, you NEED to take time off. Spending every waking moment of your day scrolling through your timeline sends you down a rabbit hole that’s truly difficult to come out of. I know this from experience. It can really reduce your productivity in other areas of your life in a major way. I don’t know the science behind it, but Facebook is truly addictive and sometimes you might even find yourself scrolling through your timeline not knowing what you’re even looking for. So take hours off at a time to escape the Facebook spell. Place your phone somewhere you cant see or hear it if you can. Turn off notifications. Whatever you have to do to keep you from checking your timeline without rhyme or reason, do that.

I further recommend an even deeper level of detox, which is deactivation. Facebook allows you to deactivate your personal profile for as long as you need without losing your details.  When you’re ready to return, you simply sign back in. However, while you’re away your profile and your name will no longer be visible to other Facebook users and they won’t be able to reach out to you. This is ideal for people who have developed a Facebook addiction and need to go cold turkey to recover. I’ve done this every year during the period of Lent and I can tell you that you return a new person. Stepping outside of the maze and living the old-fashioned offline life is deliciously rejuvenating.

I’d like to think that at least one of these tips will be useful to you and that you’ll implement it/them for a healthy user experience of this awesome platform.

Intentionally Yours,

Juanita Michelle
LMSW | Personal Mastery Coach | Lifestyle Blogger
Be Bold. Be Free. Be You. Period.

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