As you embark on the journey to transform your life, there will be several areas you will need to review. Today I want to spend some time on the relationships you have with your “family”. Why? Because the relationships you value and invest in, have an enormous impact on your self-image and your self-esteem. Keep reading. This is good.
What’s the golden rule?
… not that one, the other one …
Family comes first right? One would dare not imply that anyone else should come before family. I have personally always felt the same. That my family is who knew me first… that I am obligated to my family… that I am to protect and prioritize my family’s needs before all others… that blood is thicker than water.
Well it turns out that blood can get really thin. I’m talking about INR above 3.0 thin… same consistency of water. In other words, sometimes family is not all it’s meant to be.
I am suggesting that the terms family and relatives are NOT interchangeable, and you deserve the right to make the distinction. Family can be anyone; and the truth is that my family consists of a lot of people that are not related to me.
Family is a group of persons who are related by blood, adoption, or marriage, but they also can be related by experience. My belief is that family is defined by intents and actions. With your family you should feel safe, loved, trusted, and supported and these feelings should come to you from a place of enthusiasm, not as a duty.
A relative on the other hand is a person to whom you are connected by blood or marriage. That’s it. The relationships you have with your relatives are obligatory. These relationships are not driven by emotion.
Perhaps right now you are presently burdened with the unspoken expectations of your kinships (relationships with relatives). Maybe you are feeling unsure about yourself because of the questions you have about your family of origin; or maybe you feel unsure about a decision because you haven’t received sufficient support. I’d like to help relieve you of as much of your burden as I can.
If you have relatives who don’t make you feel loved, accepted or supported, know this:
1. It is okay to feel that way,
2. You should stop expecting them to, and
3. Stop taking those who do for granted.
I wrote this article because I know there are those of you who desperately want the support of your relatives. You want relationship with them. Things have never been (or maybe most recently are not) as you hoped they would be.
You might be longing for the encouragement of a parent/parent figure, or the bond of a sibling, and if you’re honest with yourself, the absence of their validation is keeping you back. Maybe you need it to move ahead with your plans, or you are stuck emotionally trying to understand their lack of support.
Meanwhile, you have this amazing friend that comes to all of your events, or calls to cheer you up, knows your deepest fears, and roots for your success. I know you’re not related, but that is your family.
Rethink your expectations of your relatives as well as your obligations to them. You can’t manufacture intention. It has to come from a genuine place. Learn to meet people where they are. Just because they’re related to you, does not mean that they understand you. Sometimes relatives struggle to connect because of the pressure to do so, or because they don’t know how. Sometimes you feel stronger connections with persons not related to you, and that makes you feel guilt.
There’s no reason to feel guilty. In fact, you should feel privileged to have free will to form relationships with whomever.
Appreciate any and every connection that you have and if the opportunity comes to turn relatives into family, jump on it! But don’t sweat it love.
I hope this message was enlightening as well as encouraging for you.
Good Vibez ONLY,
Juanita Michelle
LMSW | Personal Mastery Coach | Lifestyle Blogger
Be Bold. Be Free. Be You. Period.